Trading Places: One of Those Movies that Should Never Be Remade

I was channel surfing today and came across an old favorite on AMC: Trading Places with Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy, Jamie Lee Curtis, Don Ameche, and Ralph Bellamy.

For those of you who haven't seen it, it's the story of two men: Louis Winthorpe III (Dan Aykroyd) and Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy). Louis is a filthy-rich stock broker who has everything: a butler and driver, a 'fabulous' girlfriend, and a dream job working at a commodities brokerage firm for brothers, Randolph (Ralph Bellamy) and Mortimer (Don Ameche) Duke. Billy Ray is a street hustler who will stoop so low when panhandling that he pretends to be a legless veteran. Louis has him thrown in jail when they bump into each other because he thinks Billy Ray is trying to rob him.

Randolph and Mortimer have been arguing about whether it is the environment or genetics that determine how someone turns out:

Mortimer: Winthorpe is a very steady young man. We're lucky to have him managing our firm.
Randolph: Oh, hogwash. Exeter, Harvard - he's the product of good environment.
Mortimer: It's got nothing to do with environment. With his genes, you could put him anywhere and he'd come out on top. Breeding, same as in race horses. It's in the blood.
Randolph: That man is a product of a poor environment. There's nothing wrong with him, I can prove it.
Mortimer: Of course there's something wrong with him... He's a Negro! He's probably been stealing since he could crawl.
Randolph: Given the right surroundings and encouragement, I'll bet that that man could run our company as well as Winthorpe.
Mortimer: Are we talking about a wager, Randolph? I suppose you think Winthorpe... say if he were to lose his job, would resort to holding up people on the streets.
Randolph: No, I don't think that would be enough for Winthorpe. We'd have to heap a little more misfortune on those narrow shoulders. If he lost his job and his home and his fiancée and his friends. If he were somehow disgraced and arrested by the police and thrown in jail, even. Yes, I'm sure he'd take to crime like a fish to water.
Mortimer: You'd have to put him in the wrong surroundings, with the worst sort of people. I mean real scum, Randolph.
Randolph: We've done it before. This time it's in a good cause.
Mortimer: How much do you want to bet?
Randolph: The usual amount.
Mortimer: Why not?

As you can tell already, this is not going to be a politically-correct film.

The Dukes decide to frame Louis for embezzlement and drug dealing. He loses everything: his job, his house, his girl, his reputation. After his butler, Coleman, pretends to not know him, he comes to live with Ophelia (Jamie Lee Curtis), a prostitute. (You have to watch the movie just to hear Aykroyd pronounce prostitute.) Billy Ray, on the other hand, is bailed out by the Dukes, and given Louis's job and house.

Mortimer: What's he doing in there?
Coleman: He's singing, sir.
Randolph: They're very musical people, aren't they?
Coleman: What shall I do with his clothes?
Mortimer: Send them to the laundry. He'll need them to wear back to the ghetto, after I've won our bet.

Surprisingly, or rather to Mortimer's chagrin, Billy Ray is actually good at Louis's job. During his first day, he saves them a bunch of money.

Billy Ray: Okay, pork belly prices have been dropping all morning. So everybody's waiting for them to hit rock bottom so they can buy cheap.The people with pork belly contracts are thinking, "Hey, we're losing all our money and Christmas is coming... I won't be able to buy my son the GI Joe with the Kung Fu grip."

The rest of the movie answers the question of the bet - can Billy Ray become a model of society and will Louis turn to a life of crime? What happens after? And what will Billy Ray and Louis do to get even?

Randolph Duke: Pay up, Mortimer. I've won the bet.
Mortimer Duke: Here, one dollar.
Randolph Duke: [chuckling] We took a perfectly useless psychopath like Valentine, and turned him into a successful executive. And during the same time, we turned an honest, hard-working man into a violently, deranged, would-be killer!
[laughs]
Randolph Duke: Now, what are we going to do about taking Winthorpe back and returning Valentine to the ghetto?
Mortimer Duke: I don't want Winthorpe back, after what he's done.
Randolph Duke: You mean, keep *Valentine* on as managing director?
Mortimer Duke: Do you really believe I would have a *nigger* run our family business, Randolph?
[Billy Ray has been hiding in a bathroom stall. His eyes widen with outrage.]
Randolph Duke: Of course not. Neither would I.

Not only is it all really funny, but there's a nice romance that grows between Louis and Ophelia. (She was always a much better person than his snobby priggish fiance, Penelope.)

The climax of the movie is one of the best ever. I won't give away what happens but every single player is fantastic in those last scenes. And as all good movies do, they provide a satisfactory denouement.

It has some fabulous dialogue. Quotes I love:

Even Bigger Black Guy: It ain't cool being no jive turkey so close to Thanksgiving.
(I also love how he goes 'yeah!' all the time in this really deep voice.)

Bo Diddley as the Pawn Broker: Burnt my fingers, man.
Louis: I beg your pardon?
Pawnbroker: Man, that watch is so hot, it's smokin'.
Louis: Hot? Do you mean to imply stolen?
Pawnbroker: I'll give you 50 bucks for it.
Louis: Fifty bucks? No, no, no. This is a Rouchefoucauld. The thinnest water-resistant watch in the world. Singularly unique, sculptured in design, hand-crafted in Switzerland, and water resistant to three atmospheres. This is *the* sports watch of the '80s. Six thousand, nine hundred and fifty five dollars retail!
Pawnbroker: You got a receipt?
Louis: Look, it tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills, London, Paris, Rome, and *Gstaad.*
Pawnbroker: In Philadelphia, it's worth 50 bucks.

Coleman: Good morning, sir. Merry Christmas.
Louis: Coleman, I've had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house. Penelope hated me. And it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro.
Louis sees Billy Ray and lunges at him, grabs him and starts choking him.
Coleman: Oh dear!
Billy Ray: [croaking] It...was...the...Dukes.
Louis: You're a dead man, Valentine!

[Approaching the stock exchange, complete with a fantastic music accompaniment.]
Louis: Think big, think positive. Never show any sign of weakness. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear, that's the other guy's problem.
Nothing can prepare you for the unbridled carnage you are about to witness. The Super Bowl, the World Series. Pressure? Here it's kill or be killed. Make no friends and take no prisoners. One minute you're up half a million, the next, boom. Your kids don't go to college and you've lost your Bentley.

Rating: 9/10

Related links:
IMDb
Rotten Tomatoes certified them 'fresh,' with an 89% approval rating.